Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
