And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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