Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
