everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
