You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
