Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
