girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize