Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
