You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize