I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
