Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
