Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have post one night stand depression
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
