I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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