sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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