wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
