Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
