Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
