I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
