Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
