you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
