his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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