Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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