Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
