i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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