God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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