omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
