the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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