I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
