yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
