i already hear my dad disowning me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
