i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
