census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
