I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
