how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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