Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he quoted the bible to break up with me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
