this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
