Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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