chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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