you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
