xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When did angry sex become our thing?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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