Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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