Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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