Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
