The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
