We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
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he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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