the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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