Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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