Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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