I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I could fuck to npr.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
