Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
