So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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