you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
