How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
