she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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