Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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