so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
