Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
