we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
