We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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