You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
