kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
