Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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